He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
