just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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