I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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