Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
