Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
