Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize