she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
