Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
