Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
