You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
