Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize