I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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