What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he puts the penis in happiness.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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