If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
