you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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