youre lurking in front of me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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