I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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