He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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