she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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