this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
