The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
