Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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