I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
