Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
