what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
