can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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