He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
