This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
