Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
