There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
