i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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