Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
