What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
