I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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