i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
