My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
