Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
the raccoons are back...
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