What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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