I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
