Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize