they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I pour the whiskey from now on
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