"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
