i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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