go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
