Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
