Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
