What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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