just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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