Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
