I smell stomach acid.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
