dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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