I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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