My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
