One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
