yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
