sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
