Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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