theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
