Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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