[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
