apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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