why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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