when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
